


you cant just be listenin to chips in the night thats so stupid that sounds like some kinda 80s power ballad

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23377414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Karkat can't sleep.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 24
Kudos: 164





	you cant just be listenin to chips in the night thats so stupid that sounds like some kinda 80s power ballad

KARKAT: STRIDER?  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: hey dude  
KARKAT: FUCK  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I’LL GO.  
DAVE: naw its cool im not doin anything  
DAVE: yknow apart from raisin the cool factor of this kitchen by like 20 degrees  
DAVE: doin my part to keep all the food chill and fresh you know  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.  
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT?  
KARKAT: THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY FUCKING FOOD.  
DAVE: uh actually thats where youre wrong as usual dude  
DAVE: because i have these chips not that they need to be cold in fact i think theyd prolly be way worse but as props go for your common own just your everyday karkat putdown they cant be beat  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: ...you want some  
KARKAT: ...YEAH  
KARKAT: OK  
DAVE: cool pull up a chair well have a good ol fashioned snack party of two  
DAVE: so uh  
DAVE: whats goin on  
KARKAT: NOTHING.  
KARKAT: I JUST COULDN’T FUCKING SLEEP.  
KARKAT: WHAT ELSE IS NEW.  
DAVE: oh yeah i get that  
DAVE: yknow i kinda thought once i got here id be all about catchin zs like FINALLY theres no crocodiles nakkin at me no trolls tryna show off their highly questionable rap skills at me i can just take a fucking breather get a little beauty sleep  
DAVE: but as it turns out this fuckin meteors got its own set of lame ass tricks its like you finally got through that incredibly depressing birthday party magicians set you thought you were finally gonna get to go to town on some cake but the sad truth is that guy was just the fuckin opening act and this next guy is hells worse hes clearly drunk he keeps droppin his cards an hes got a live rabbit whose overall health looks dubious at best  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: **WHAT???**  
DAVE: im just sayin this place is mad creepy like the quiet the tubes the comically long dark ridiculous hallways its all pretty overbearing it its own way  
DAVE: like dont get me wrong its a huge step up from that stupid fucking game nobodys asked me to explode myself in any suns yet but its still pretty spooky also every time i close my eyes lo and behold theres all the same fuckin trolls still wanna rap with me except now they also wanna real quick remind me of my own mortality  
DAVE: so thats cool thats exactly what im lookin for when i lay my head down angelically on my downy rolled up sweatpants  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: wait  
DAVE: dude youre not gonna try to rap with me too are you  
DAVE: jesus fuck is this what every day was like for snoop that poor man musta known no peace  
KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: FOR FUCK’S SAKE, STRIDER, I AM NOT HERE TO “RAP” WITH YOU.  
KARKAT: IN FACT I’M GONNA GO OUT ON A *VERY* SHORT LIMB AND SAY, RIGHT NOW, THAT I AM *NEVER* GOING TO FUCKING RAP WITH YOU EVEN ONCE OVER THE ENTIRE COURSE OF THIS WHOLE GODFORSAKEN SWEEP AND A HALF LONG TRIP.  
KARKAT: IF I DO, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO FUCKING...  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW  
KARKAT: PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!  
DAVE: haha awesome im totally gonna hold you to that  
KARKAT: GREAT. I HOPE YOU DO.  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: so like  
DAVE: if youre not here to challenge the chief which by the way is totally understandable i know i seemed standoffish a minute ago but thats just my public persona i gotta keep that up for appearances or id never get any fuckin rest if you really do wanna rap i can make an exception for you dude consider it an olive branch of rhythm  
KARKAT: HOLY *FUCKING* CHRIST I DON’T WANT TO RAP WITH YOU!  
DAVE: haha fine then whats actually goin on what are you doin here man  
KARKAT: I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD YOU!  
KARKAT: I CAN’T SLEEP!  
KARKAT: I CAME HERE TO GET A SNACK.  
KARKAT: I DIDN’T KNOW YOUR SMUG ASS WAS GONNA BE HERE INHALING ALL THE CHIPS!  
DAVE: haha yeah thats me just inhaling chips through my ass in the dead of night you caught me in my most shameful of acts you know my secret  
KARKAT: AUUUGHH!  
DAVE: ok but seriously wait a minute why are you tryna sleep now  
DAVE: werent you guys like  
DAVE: nocturnal or some shit  
DAVE: im pretty sure that came up once or twice in some fucking diatribe about how superior you are  
KARKAT: YEAH. I GUESS WE WERE.  
KARKAT: NOCTURNAL, I MEAN.  
DAVE: not superior  
KARKAT: NO, WE WERE THAT TOO, ASSHOLE.  
DAVE: sweet save  
KARKAT: BUT WE DIDN’T CALL IT NOCTURNAL.  
KARKAT: WE JUST CALLED IT...  
KARKAT: WELL WE DIDN’T CALL IT FUCKING ANYTHING.  
KARKAT: WE CALLED IT BEING FUCKING NORMAL AND THEN WE WENT ABOUT OUR BUSINESS AND SAVED OUR BREATH FOR TALKING ABOUT MORE IMPORTANT FUCKING MATTERS!  
DAVE: oh yeah i bet you had all kinds of important shit to say on your stupid planet  
KARKAT: YES WE FUCKING DID!  
KARKAT: BUT NONE OF THAT IS WORTH A FUCKING SHRED OF A TUNNEL CREATURE’S SCROTUM ANYWAY, BECAUSE IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, WE’RE IN MOTHERFUCKING *SPACE!*  
KARKAT: THERE *IS* NO SUCH THING AS NIGHT ANYMORE!  
KARKAT: *OR* DAY!  
KARKAT: I HOPE YOU WEREN’T TOO ATTACHED TO YOUR NAUSEATINGLY WEAK LITTLE TELETUBBY SUN, STRIDER!  
KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT GONNA SEE IT AGAIN FOR A LOOONG TIME.  
DAVE: hold up you had the teletubbies how the fuck did that even work  
KARKAT: AUUUGHH!  
DAVE: whatever i just checked my give a fuck stats turns out theyre too low to even register  
DAVE: im too busy mournin for my long lost sun  
DAVE: puttin on my best widows veil  
DAVE: all gnashin my teeth and generally just carryin on  
DAVE: yeah thats right you really stepped in it dude ill have you know the sun and i were close bros we had a lotta good times together im gonna miss that son of a bitch something fierce  
KARKAT: YEAH WELL  
KARKAT: TOUGH SHIT.  
DAVE: haha fuckin harsh bro  
DAVE: id say youre cranky cuz you cant sleep but ive literally never seen you act any other kinda way so its like a chicken or the egg type situation are you an asshole cuz youre tired or are you tired cuz youre an asshole the world may never know  
DAVE: you guys all come from eggs right  
DAVE: i didnt just make that up you got some kinda weird bug business goin on despite obviously having primate features like opposable thumbs and shit whats up with that  
KARKAT: SIIIIGHHH  
DAVE: oh what cmon dude thats all i get i called you a bug and an asshole that doesnt even deserve a rant  
DAVE: do i gotta step up my game here or what  
KARKAT: I MEAN, IF YOU WANT.  
KARKAT: I’M JUST...  
KARKAT: HONESTLY I’M JUST TOO FUCKING TIRED.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: how come youre so tired why cant you sleep  
KARKAT: UG.  
KARKAT: IT’S NOTHING, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.  
DAVE: dude im not worried im just makin conversation just tryna get some vibes goin over the sound of these chips  
DAVE: you cant just be listenin to chips in the night thats so stupid that sounds like some kinda 80s power ballad im not into that  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: im sayin just talk to me jesus this is like pullin pointy teeth  
KARKAT: BLUH.  
KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT GONNA GET IT.  
KARKAT: IT’S STUPID.  
DAVE: no cmon lay it on me im always into hearin more stupid shit from you you know that  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: seriously bro my arsenals depleting gotta keep that baby stocked  
DAVE: lets hear it  
KARKAT: UGH  
KARKAT: I GUESS I WAS JUST  
KARKAT: SIIIGH  
KARKAT: I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THE...  
KARKAT: UM  
KARKAT: EVERYBODY WHO YOU KNOW  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: DIED.  
DAVE: haha what the fuck  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: thats your stupid thing thats whats got you all embarrassed  
KARKAT: UH. YEAH?  
DAVE: damn dude i thought you were gonna say somethin actually stupid this is the letdown of the year  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
DAVE: im talkin about your dead friends keepin you up at night is totally a legit thing like im pretty sure its allowed on the grand spectrum of allowable insomnia causing offenses  
KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU!  
DAVE: what no im serious dude  
DAVE: im just sayin i dont think you gotta be embarrassed or anything like that its not like you left your favorite teddy bear back on your planet its a little more serious than that  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: WOW.  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW A SINGLE FUCKING THING ABOUT TROLLS, DO YOU?  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: I MEAN  
KARKAT: THIS IS NOT, LIKE, *THAT* FAR OFF FROM...  
KARKAT: WAIT. IS A TEDDY BEAR LIKE A SQUEEZE COMFORT CREATURE?  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: im gonna go ahead and say probably  
KARKAT: OK THEN. YEAH. I THINK IT’S PRETTY SIMILAR.  
DAVE: haha what seriously  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: I MEAN  
KARKAT: DON'T GET ME WRONG, IT’S A LITTLE WORSE.  
KARKAT: BUT UH...  
KARKAT: WELL FOR STARTERS THE ONLY REASON ANY OF MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING DEAD TO BEGIN WITH IS BECAUSE MY OTHER FRIENDS FUCKING MURDERED THEM!  
KARKAT: IT WASN’T LIKE A BIG OUTSIDE FORCE OR ANYTHING. IT WASN’T LIKE THE GAME KILLED THEM.  
KARKAT: IT WAS JUST  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW  
KARKAT: NORMAL TEEN BULLSHIT.  
DAVE: haha holy fuck  
DAVE: normal teen bullshit is straight up murdering your friends  
KARKAT: UH  
KARKAT: ...YEAH?  
DAVE: wow  
DAVE: that is... yep that is really somethin alright  
DAVE: that is definitely a thing that you just told me that is apparently also true  
DAVE: so wait if this is just like normal coming of age shit like just another day at fucking troll degrassi high  
DAVE: whys it bothering you so much  
KARKAT: UGHH  
KARKAT: THAT’S PART OF MY FUCKING PROBLEM!  
KARKAT: IT REALLY SHOULDN’T!  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST PART OF GROWING UP!  
KARKAT: SOMETIMES YOUR FRIENDS GO INSANE AND FUCKING MURDER EACH OTHER, AND THAT’S THE WAY IT IS!  
DAVE: whoa  
KARKAT: BUT SINCE I’M FUCKING BROKEN, I’M ALL MESSED UP ABOUT IT!  
KARKAT: OH BOO HOO, I’M KARKAT, I CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD!  
KARKAT: OH NO, I HAVE THE HARDEST LIFE!  
DAVE: haha damn dude  
DAVE: trolls are straight up insane huh  
DAVE: like i always had my suspicions but this is pretty much sealin the deal  
KARKAT: AUUUGHHH!!  
DAVE: like seriously what even happened before we got here i still never got the whole story  
DAVE: the fuckin juggalo guy went nuts obviously although now im startin to think thats just normal puberty that just like an acne breakout or whatever  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: NO, GAMZEE WAS ESPECIALLY FUCKING WEIRD.  
KARKAT: BUT HE WAS ONLY PART OF THE PROBLEM.  
KARKAT: HE...  
KARKAT: HE KILLED EQUIUS AND NEPETA.  
DAVE: damn and were just like lettin him run around still what the fuck  
KARKAT: EH, VRISKA’S GOT HIM MORE OR LESS UNDER CONTROL.  
KARKAT: SHE’S THE ONE WHO KILLED TAVROS.  
DAVE: whoa what  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: SHE ALSO KILLED ARADIA.  
KARKAT: BUT SHE JUST CAME RIGHT THE FUCK BACK.  
KARKAT: A FEW TIMES, ACTUALLY  
KARKAT: SO I DON’T KNOW IF THAT ONE REALLY COUNTS.  
DAVE: uh  
KARKAT: THEN KANAYA KILLED ERIDAN.  
DAVE: holy shit really  
KARKAT: YEAH. CUT HIM IN HALF WITH A CHAINSAW.  
DAVE: uh ok wow  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: nothin she just seems so  
KARKAT: SO WHAT? SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT.  
DAVE: haha well ok i wanted to say normal but what the fuck shes an alien vampire like how normal are you really talkin here  
DAVE: but like  
DAVE: rose likes her  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: i donno she seems chill  
KARKAT: YEAH SHE IS CHILL. SHE ONLY KILLED ERIDAN BECAUSE HE KILLED FEFERI.  
KARKAT: AND TRIED TO KILL SOLLUX.  
KARKAT: AND ALSO BLEW UP THE MATRIORB, WHICH WAS THE KEY TO SAVING OUR SPECIES FROM EXTINCTION.  
DAVE: holy fucking shit dude  
KARKAT: YEAH, ERIDAN WAS KIND OF A DOUCHEBAG EVEN BY OUR STANDARDS.  
DAVE: oh yeah phew i was worried he was troll mother theresa  
KARKAT: NO, HE WAS A TOTAL DICK.  
DAVE: haha oh my god trolls have absolutely no chill huh  
KARKAT: KIND OF, YEAH.  
KARKAT: I MEAN...  
KARKAT: I GUESS AT LEAST TEREZI DIDN’T KILL ANYBODY.  
DAVE: nope not true  
DAVE: she totally killed me  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
KARKAT: WHEN??  
DAVE: in the game  
DAVE: she did some coin flip bullshit  
DAVE: straight up smoked an alt me  
KARKAT: OH  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD!  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: THAT BITCH!  
DAVE: naw its fine  
DAVE: it was just an alt dave those guys are all kinds of expendable  
DAVE: im always up to my ass in alt daves as it is whats one more you know  
KARKAT: UM  
DAVE: its totally cool im over it  
DAVE: not that like  
DAVE: there was even an it to get over  
DAVE: its all chill its dead dave blood under the bridge yknow  
DAVE: the bridge is also made out of dead daves  
DAVE: its a hella renewable resource  
KARKAT: ...UH  
DAVE: how bout you  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: what do you mean what theres exactly one route this conversation can possibly take dude stay on it im pullin your dumb ass outta the bushes this time but thats it that was a freebie thats all you get if i see your little legs kickin straight up in the air again youre on your own  
KARKAT: UGGGH  
DAVE: so cmon  
DAVE: who the fuck have you killed dude  
DAVE: whod you off in this big giant clusterfuck of violence which im guessing from context is just like how trolls say hi  
DAVE: and then another way you say hi obviously like if youre takin a break from your big murderhappy times like if your knifes at the dry cleaners or whatever  
DAVE: is asking about said violent insane explosions which is what were doin  
DAVE: its all asm age sex murder story hit me with the nastiest most bloody one you got the more dangling intestines the better  
DAVE: cmon bro im participating in a cultural exchange just for you lets hear it what are your crazy insane murders  
KARKAT: I...  
DAVE: ohhh shit  
DAVE: its nobody huh  
DAVE: oh my god dude this is amazing youre the only troll who didnt kill anybody thats so perfect  
KARKAT: NO!  
DAVE: oh yeah that is a firm yes haha bingo  
DAVE: oh man that is adorable  
KARKAT: DON’T YOU FUCKING *DARE!*  
DAVE: haha dare what  
KARKAT: CALL ME ADORABLE!  
KARKAT: YOU ARE *NOT* ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!  
DAVE: oh damn hit a nerve huh  
KARKAT: NO YOU FUCKING DIDN’T!  
DAVE: dude this is so obvious itd be more fun to rip on you if it wasnt so easy  
DAVE: instead its just kinda sad  
DAVE: like clearly you were the squishiest little guy on your whole murder planet and folks were always callin you adorable every chance they got  
DAVE: oh man i bet thats it i bet thats like the equivalent of callin somebody gay since apparently thats off the table we dont gotta get into all that right now i think itd just detract from the main focus but just as a quick side note holy SHIT your planet was gay as fuck  
DAVE: but whatever you were also apparently hella violent so you know mad respect where mad respect is due  
DAVE: the whole point is in a sea of super fabulous berserker gladiators you couldnt get your shit together to even kill anybody  
DAVE: hence  
DAVE: you were adorable  
KARKAT: ARRRRAAHHHHHHHGHHGH!!!!!  
KARKAT: YOU ARE SO WRONG IN EVERY WAY I CAN’T  
KARKAT: I CAN’T  
KARKAT: EVEN  
DAVE: you cant even  
DAVE: wow these rants of yours were a lot of fun before but i think weve finally reached peak creativity who says youre too tired dude you are in top form this is it meteor over we can all go home now  
KARKAT: JESUS *FUCKING* SHIT STRIDER!  
KARKAT: YOU ABSOLUTE FLAMING GLOBE-FONDLING ASS-WEASEL!  
KARKAT: YOU ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW A *SINGLE* TAINT-SQUELCHING THING, DO YOU???  
DAVE: haha ok thats more like it thats the karkat classic i know  
KARKAT: FUUUUCK!  
KARKAT: EVERYBODY ON MY PLANET WAS *NOT* “GAY”!  
KARKAT: THAT IS *NOT* WHY YOU CAN’T CALL ME ADORABLE!  
KARKAT: OH AND LEST WE FORGET THE BIGGEST, THROBBINGEST, WRONGEST THING OF ALL IN YOUR BIG HEAVING PILE OF DISGUSTING DOUCHETASTIC MISCONCEPTIONS!  
KARKAT: I COULDN’T “NOT GET MY SHIT TOGETHER” TO KILL ANYBODY!  
KARKAT: I FUCKING  
KARKAT: KILLED  
KARKAT: FUCKING  
KARKAT: EVERYBODY!  
KARKAT: OK??  
DAVE: haha what  
DAVE: that is like the stupidest overcompensation ever youre like the littlest dude in the biggest pickup truck with the giant exhaust pipe right now bro you are not foolin ANYBODY  
DAVE: except even that guy with the dick truck at least like  
DAVE: OWNS a truck  
DAVE: which is way more than i can say for you right now man there is no way you killed “everybody”  
DAVE: you literally just got done tellin me all the ways everybody got murdered by somebody else and the one variable missin from that nasty equation is YOU  
DAVE: nice try  
DAVE: and by that i mean obviously not nice try that was the sorriest try i ever heard with my own two ears if you didnt kill anybody thats fine dude like maybe its embarrassing on your planet maybe its the ultimate shame and you gotta commit seppuku or whatever but its still gotta be better than just straight up lyin in such a transparent way thats so sad  
KARKAT: AAAUUUUUGHHHH!  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: whoa  
DAVE: whoa what the fuck  
DAVE: dude are you  
DAVE: are you  
DAVE: uh...  
DAVE: are you ok  
KARKAT: NO!!  
KARKAT: NO I’M FUCKING...  
KARKAT: PLEASE  
KARKAT: JUST  
KARKAT: JUST GO AWAY  
KARKAT: I’M NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD OK STRIDER  
KARKAT: THIS WAS KIND OF FUN AT FIRST  
KARKAT: IT WAS KIND OF DISTRACTING  
KARKAT: BUT NOW IT’S JUST  
KARKAT: IT JUST SUCKS, OK?  
KARKAT: IT JUST SUCKS AND IT'S MAKING ME FEEL EVEN WORSE.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: dude im not uh  
DAVE: im not like  
DAVE: really good at  
DAVE: karkat im not sure what im sposed to do here  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: what the fuck is this  
KARKAT: JUST GO THE *FUCK* AWAY DAVE!  
KARKAT: THIS IS SO NOT YOUR PROBLEM TO FIX  
KARKAT: IT IS STRAIGHT UP LAUGHABLE OF YOU TO THINK IT IS.  
KARKAT: OK?  
KARKAT: SO JUST  
KARKAT: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: ok i would but like  
DAVE: dude you kinda just confessed to a buncha murders right after i put a ton of effort into ripping you a new asshole if im bein honest i wanna leave on slightly better terms than the ones we got goin right now like purely for the sake of my own wellbeing just for selfish reasons alone  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: so when you say you killed EVERYBODY...  
KARKAT: I MEAN I FUCKING KILLED EVERYBODY OK????  
KARKAT: HOW MUCH CLEARER DO I HAVE TO BE?  
KARKAT: FUCK!  
DAVE: ok but dude i mean  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: i think technically you could be all hells clearer than that  
DAVE: like just for starters when you say everybody  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: that means everybody  
DAVE: all the bodies  
DAVE: all of them  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: but im still here  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: oh fuck you man did you kill an alt me  
DAVE: if you fuckin terezied me bro...  
KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: FUCK, STRIDER, I DIDN’T DO SHIT TO YOU!  
KARKAT: I BARELY EVEN FUCKING LOOKED AT YOU!  
DAVE: wow  
DAVE: damn bro  
DAVE: i mean maybe you didnt kill me in a bodily sense but im pretty sure you just straight up shot me through the heart  
DAVE: you jon bon jovied me dude  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK??  
DAVE: nevermind  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: ok so its sounding like this everybody is a little less broad than actually literally everybody  
DAVE: what are we talkin here  
DAVE: was it like your whole planet did you sit on some button that made the meteors go  
KARKAT: ...OH MY GOD  
KARKAT: I DIDN’T EVEN *THINK* OF THAT!  
KARKAT: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!  
DAVE: oh no  
DAVE: oh no dude abort abort  
DAVE: just tell me whatever you actually meant man reroute get back on track seriously  
DAVE: what do you mean by everybody karkat talk to me  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: UGHHHH  
KARKAT: I MEAN...  
KARKAT: I MEAN FUCKING ALL THE TROLLS.  
KARKAT: NOT MY WHOLE PLANET OR ANYTHING ALTHOUGH NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT JEGUS *FUCK* THAT MIGHT BE TRUE TOO IN LIKE THREE DIFFERENT WAYS I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY FUCKING OBSESSING LIKE FUCKING TROLL DUSTIN HOFFMAN.  
DAVE: dude is that a fuckin rain man reference  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS!  
DAVE: whatever forget it keep goin  
KARKAT: MY *POINT* IS  
KARKAT: UGH  
KARKAT: I WAS IN CHARGE!  
KARKAT: OK??  
KARKAT: I WAS THE LEADER!  
KARKAT: I WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP EVERYBODY SAFE!  
KARKAT: KEEP SHIT IN LINE!  
KARKAT: MAKE SURE IT DIDN’T ALL GO STRAIGHT DOWN THE FUCKING LOAD GAPER!  
KARKAT: AND WHAT DID I DO?  
KARKAT: OH  
KARKAT: THAT'S RIGHT  
KARKAT: I LET EVERYTHING GO UTTERLY AND IRRETRIEVABLY TO FUCKING SHIT THE FIRST FUCKING CHANCE I GOT!!  
KARKAT: AND THEN I JUST GOT WORSE  
KARKAT: EVERY  
KARKAT: FUCKING DAY  
KARKAT: UNTIL MY FINAL BEAUTIFUL FUCKING ACT  
KARKAT: MY WHITE HONKBEAST SONG  
KARKAT: THE DAY I LET EVERY SINGLE PERSON UNDER MY CARE FUCKING DIE A HORRIBLE BRUTAL DEATH  
KARKAT: WHILE I DID FUCK ALL TO STOP IT!  
KARKAT: EXCEPT IT TURNS OUT THAT *WASN’T* EVEN MY FINAL ACT!  
KARKAT: BECAUSE NOW I JUST HAVE TO SIT AROUND ON MY ASS FOR A FUCKING SWEEP AND A HALF FUCKING *THINKING* ABOUT IT!  
KARKAT: AND THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY TO GET OVER IT, EVEN, BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME I CLOSE MY EYES I FUCKING *SEE* THEM!  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST...  
KARKAT: AUUUGHHH!  
KARKAT: IT’S TOO FUCKING MUCH!  
DAVE: dude  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD!  
KARKAT: FUCK!  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING??  
KARKAT: THIS IS  
KARKAT: YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.  
DAVE: what no its cool  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: if you got shit to get off your chest i dont mind  
KARKAT: OK ASSHOLE, LET ME REPHRASE THAT  
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT TO *FUCKING* TELL YOU ABOUT IT!  
KARKAT: IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!  
DAVE: wow ok shit sorry  
KARKAT: UGH! YOU’RE *SO* CLEARLY NOT!  
DAVE: what the fuck  
KARKAT: JUST  
KARKAT: JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ok dude bye or whatever  
DAVE: i mean youre the one comes crashin in here all sleep deprived and cryin spillin your heart out eating all my fuckin chips but yeah sure ill just leave you alone that sounds great that sounds like a plan sorry i bothered you dude  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: sigh  
DAVE: goodnight i guess  



End file.
